he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
