fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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