Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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