He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
