Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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