I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
