So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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