This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
