Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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