and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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