idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
