Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
