people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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