so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My liver just broke up with me...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
