I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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