At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
