i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What a dumb baby whore.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
