yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
