i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
