Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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