im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
