Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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