I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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