I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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