he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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