I think my vagina is haunted
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
