I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
