I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
