You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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