He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
