I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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