I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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