i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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