ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
