Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
