dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize