My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
