I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
