some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
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Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket