in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes