We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
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And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Fuck me I smell like cheese