i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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