At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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