He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
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If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Oh god it's open bar.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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