you guys were way drunker than both of me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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