Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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