Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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