note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
