Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
