sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
