I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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