Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
handjob tips. give me some.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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