i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
