Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
