can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
