She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
