My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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