Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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