You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
