Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
