I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
