We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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