No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
