I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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