Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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