I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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