i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
